


What's on Your Mind

by ShadowGinger



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Facial Shaving, Fluff, M/M, Spoilers, chapter 51 spoilers, minor depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-09
Updated: 2013-11-09
Packaged: 2017-12-31 22:50:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1037311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowGinger/pseuds/ShadowGinger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before he has to leave, Levi gives Erwin some company as well as a shave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What's on Your Mind

He frowned as he traced a finger across the page of the book in his lap. Erwin's attention kept straying from the words on the page. He'd slept far too much as of late and he found it left his mind hazy and unfocused. He lifted his hand- his sole hand now- from the book and rubbed his eyes. He moved his down to rub the rest of his face as well, feeling the softening hairs on his face. But the movements he made with his left hand were jerky and poorly controlled. It wasn't satisfying at all and it left him feeling even more upset than he already was.

"This is pathetic." He murmured to himself, placing his finger back to the top of the page. He didn't belong here, sitting in this hospital bed, reading some novel he wasn't even remembering. A part of him wished the titans had got the rest of him instead of leaving him mostly whole but unwell enough that he couldn't preform any of his usual duties. It was a dangerous thought, but then again, a part of him felt that death would hurt less than feeling so astoundingly useless. Perhaps this was some kind of divine punishment for all the past transgressions of his. Erwin didn't really believe in things like god, but he had heard of crazier things. And he had plenty of transgressions that he could be punished for; he was a prime candidate for smiting, he felt.

Before he could begin to wallow any further in his own mind, the door creaked open, unannounced by any form of knocking. A short, dark haired man strolled into the room, closing the door behind him with his foot. He was dressed in his uniform, though Erwin was one hundred percent sure he was still not completely healed himself.

"Levi." He spoke up as the man set a small canvas bag in the chair near Erwin's bed. "What are you doing here? I thought you were leaving this morning to rendezvous with your squad?" Levi didn't answer readily. He instead took off his jacket and set it on the chair before digging through the bag he brought with him, until he pulled out a straight razor blade and placed it on the foot of the bed.

"You look awful. Like a fucking transient or something." He said as he pulled out a dish, a block of soap, a brush and bottle of water and placed them on the bed next to the razor. "If I'm going to be gone for god knows how long, I might as well take this last chance to make you look like a civilized human being before I have to leave." He stated as he finally pulled out a towel.

Erwin cracked a smile at Levi's frank words, but his heart panged at the thought of being left here alone. He would have given anything to join him if that meant leaving this hospital room. He looked over to the Captain, thankful to find him preoccupied with testing the warmth of the water and being visibly dissatisfied with it. Levi could be painfully observant at times and Erwin could have died out of shame if he caught him self-pitying like this.

"Oi, can you sit facing me so I can get this shit on your face?" Levi asked as rudely as usual and Erwin readily complied. He pulled his legs over the edge of the bed, placing his feet flat on the floor. Levi stepped in between his legs and began to rub the dampened towel over his facial hair. It was a little lukewarm, but it wasn't unpleasant. Erwin's eyes fluttered shut so could focus solely on Levi's hands on his face. His fingers were always so deft and precise and filled with purposeful movements. Erwin felt a slight pang of envy when he realized his own hand would never be like Levi's.

Levi removed his fingers from Erwin's face while he was lost in his head space and draped the wet cloth over his face. Erwin's hand moved to remove the towel, but a click of the Captain's tongue stopped him in his tracks.

"Don't you fucking dare. Unless you want to bleed all over your bed sheets." Levi's voice was intense, and Erwin could only imagine the kind of expression he wore to go along with it. He set his hand back down in his lap as he waited. His ears picked up the soft swish of the shaving brush as Levi worked to create a lather out of the soap. The soft sound soon came to a stop and the Captain stepped back in between his legs. The towel was pulled off and was set on Erwin's leg. He made a brief "hey" to voice his disapproval, but he didn't press it beyond that.

It was quiet between them as Levi brushed the lather onto Erwin's face. But it wasn't the kind of insufferable quiet that Erwin was having to share his company with as of late. It was the quiet of being alone with a loved one. His heart panged again in spite of himself. He wasn't lonely nor was he going to be, Erwin told himself. Being lonely was for people different than him, not people that strove to stay unattached. His hand snaked around Levi and rested on the back of his thigh, and Erwin scarcely remembered performing the action.

Levi jumped a little at the sudden touch and Erwin was glad that the man didn't have the razor in his hand yet. An unamused scowl spread across Levi's face as he set the brush and lather aside and reached for the razor blade.

"Oi. What the hell is going on with you?" He asked as he began the scrape the blade down Erwin's chin. "You've been acting weird recently. Even in front of other people." Erwin thought he'd been doing better since the embarrassing situation in front of Commander Pixis, Hanji, and the recruit Springer. But Levi's eyes were much like a hawk's and nothing ever went unnoticed by his scrutinizing gaze. Erwin tucked his chin down in a foolish effort to get away from Levi's question. But the other's hand gripped his jaw forcefully and pushed it back upwards.

"God dammit, Erwin! Do you really want me to cut your throat!?" Irritation painted Levi's face, but it simmered down when he noticed the other's expression. It was too apologetic for what he had done, and if Levi didn't know any better he might have thought Erwin would start crying.

"I'm sorry..." Erwin whispered as he averted his eyes downwards. Levi looked away, feeling guilty for receiving an apology like that for such a trivial thing. He moved the razor back to the man's cheek, scraping away lather and hair. It was quiet again. This time it was a suffocating silence. Not even the touch of Levi's fingers at his face could soothe him.

"Erwin..." Levi spoke up, breaking the silence. "What's on your mind? You can tell me." Erwin looked to the Captain, nonchalantly wiping the razor blade on the the towel. His mouth went dry and he opened his mouth to speak but no words would come out. Levi looked back to Erwin, awaiting his response. Erwin could almost hear the click of the tongue that was sure to come, but to his surprise it never came. Levi closed his gaping mouth and the razor was back to cheek without a critical word from the Captain's lips. "If you can't say it now, that's fine." He reassured the Commander, "There's no rush."

The room fell silent again. Quiet seemed to be their default state, but Erwin took advantage of this to sort out his mind. After awhile, he opened his mouth to speak again. "I'm nervous..." He finally admitted, "About the future... My future."

"Is that so?" Levi said, gently urging him to go on.

"Yes it is. I... Don't know how much longer I can be with the Corps like this."

The dreaded click of Levi's tongue rang out in the room. The Captain's face was dark and reeked of annoyance. "Is that what's been bothering you, you bastard?" He asked rudely, not even bothering to attempt to be light about it.

"You're supposed to be some kind of genius tactician. Why are you being so stupid about this?" Levi's crass words shocked Erwin into silence; he couldn't have spoke if he wanted too. But when Levi noticed the expression on the Commander's face and tried to reel back his some of his fury.

"Look. You're Erwin Smith. The 13th Commander of the Survey Corps. A man like you doesn't become obsolete over night, arm or no arm. But..." Levi stopped mid sentence and mid stroke as he gathered his thoughts. "But if you really need the piece of mind, I could act as your proxy. I am your 'right hand' man, so to speak. Anyway, self-pity doesn't suit you."

Erwin's eyes widened ever so slightly, but fell closed. Levi wouldn't be considered a master with words- he was far too blunt and to the point for that- but his reassurances soothed Erwin's soul, even if only a little bit. The blade left his skin once again and Levi set the razor right next to the soap and brush.

"Thank you." He whispered as Levi wiped the leftover lather off his face.

"Your welcome." He replied quietly.

"There. You finally look like a human being again rather than some kind of damn wild animal." Levi said as he wiped his hands on the towel.

"That's cruel, Levi. I liked my beard." Erwin said, cracking a small smile.

"Too bad I didn't..." Levi smirked back as put the the shaving equipment back into a bag. He grabbed his jacket and pulled it back on. Grabbing the the canvas bag, he made his way back to the door. "I should be away for about five days to a week, sir. Try not to get too bored while I'm away."

"Don't worry, Levi." He replied as he settled himself back into his bed. "I won't." He waved his book for emphasis. Levi clicked his tongue one last time and the door closed behind the dark haired man. Erwin smiled to himself as he opened his book and begin to trace his fingers across the page.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my fiction! This is the first fic that I've posted on AO3. I don't really write very often, but still I hope this fits your fancy. ;u;
> 
> (PS I like clean Erwin, so this was half written to vent my frustration on Erwin's hobo beard lololololol :V  
> PSS This was almost called "Attack on Beardwin" praise me for not doing it  
> PSS This is self beta'd. If you noticed any grave mistakes, drop me a line so I can fix them thank)


End file.
